It’s rare that a (training) day goes by when I don’t mention my old friend Aristotle and his words of wisdom on Influencing & Persuading – see my earlier post on decision making for more details.

Recently I’ve been giving more thought to the ethical bit of the triangle and how our values come into play when we’re influencing others, particularly those that are different to us.

And the assumptions we make about the values of those who manifest the same behaviours and decisions as us – does it necessarily mean they share our values?

On our Influencing Course I often tell the (true) ‘Duvet Story’:

On Christmas morning I open a present from my daughter and it’s a duvet cover. Then I notice the label ‘100% polyester’ and polyester doesn’t go on my bed – only cotton. So the question is what should I do?

Should I tell her and risk upsetting her on Christmas morning?

Or should I smile and say “That’s lovely darling, thank you” making a mental note to put it in the back of the cupboard or put it on the spare bed.

What would you do?

And more importantly why?

What I find is that the answer to the second question tells me more about an individual’s values than the first.

And yet, given decision points in life and work, most people make sweeping assumptions about other people’s values based on the answer to the first question and don’t bother thinking about the the second.

People tend to assume that others who share their behaviour or decisions are doing so because they share the same values. In reality when I delve a little deeper I find they frequently come to the same decision for very different reasons. What’s more, there are times when someone who has made the opposite decision started from a shared value. For example, Liz and I would do completely opposite things with the duvet because we both value our relationship with our children above all else.

When it comes to influencing someone it is incredibly important to understand the values that drive them and the things that they think are important. If we present the case based on our own values, or an assumption of theirs, we’re not necessarily going to have the impact we want.

And values underpin motivation, so if we want to influence someone to do something it helps to understand a little about their values and motivators.

This exploration of values and their impact is one aspect of our training courses that can change lives rather than just behaviours.

If you’d like to understand more – like how to recognise your own and other people’s values and motivators and how to use them to influence others – then do join us on our next Influencing Course.
Maybe we can change your life!