We’ve all been there. We’ve sat in the comms workshops, read the books, nodded along to TED Talks about empathy, active listening, difficult conversations, and speaking your truth and yet, even with all that knowledge, we still find ourselves walking away from meetings thinking,

Why on earth did I say that?

or

Why didn’t I just listen properly?

At Aspire, we work with brilliant people—clever, experienced, emotionally intelligent leaders—who know what good communication looks like. So why don’t they always do it?

The truth is, it’s not a lack of knowledge that gets in the way. It’s that doing it—really doing it—comes at a price.

The Emotional Cost of Communication

Let’s be honest. It costs something to:

• Empathise with someone you disagree with.

It costs you your certainty. Your position. Your emotional safety. It asks you to sit in someone else’s experience without rushing to fix or explain it away.

• Admit you might be wrong.

That takes vulnerability. A willingness to let go of your ego, however briefly, and risk being seen as flawed.

• Really listen.

Not nodding while planning your reply. Not pretending to hear. But actually listening. That takes time, energy, and a conscious decision to put someone else’s perspective ahead of your own—at least for a moment.

• Let someone else win.

Even when you could win. Even when you know you’re right. Sometimes, for the sake of the relationship or the bigger picture, you choose connection over correction. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.

So yes—there’s a psychological cost to good communication. It asks us to give something up: control, comfort, pride, speed.

But what does it cost us when we don’t?

Misunderstandings. Disconnection. Mistrust. Exhausted teams. Culture drift. Family fallouts. Broken relationships. And that gnawing feeling of regret when we know we could have handled it better.

From Theory to Courage

The gap between knowing and doing isn’t about intelligence. It’s about courage. It takes emotional courage to be the one who listens first. The one who empathises without conditions. The one who pauses rather than reacts.

The good news? Like any muscle, it gets stronger the more we use it.

So next time you find yourself at that fork in the road—the easy reaction or the courageous connection—pause and ask yourself: What’s this going to cost me if I don’t?

Because communication isn’t just a skill. It’s a choice. One we make every day. And yes, it has a price—but it also holds the power to transform.