Finding the time and courage to give people constructive feedback on their performance can be tricky. We all know that that it’s a vital part of personal development and team performance, so it’s obviously a great thing to do.

But most of us are busy and telling people how they’re doing can be hard.

If you’ve ever had to tell someone they’re not performing you’ll know just how hard it can be. Most people like to be liked: We want to be nice and have others be nice to us. Telling them they’re not measuring up to our expectations might seem less than nice. So we feel uncomfortable about saying anything and avoid it if we can.

If you highlight an issue they may disagree, they might get angry or cry, they may criticise you, or they may not even be aware that there’s a problem.

So it’s no surprise that many people choose to play down an issue, or ignore it and hope it goes away. That rarely works though, often the problem just gets bigger.

It’s worse when the appraisal process is tied into pay awards. Most people would prefer to have an above average pay rise and think they deserve it. In all our years of training, we’ve never once found someone who thinks that their performance is below average. And that’s the problem.

On the other hand, even when the feedback is good it can be uncomfortable to hear.

To make it a little easier, here are our three top tips for giving effective feedback:

1. The Best Surprise in No Surprise

The really frustrating thing is when someone raises something in your annual appraisal that happened ages ago, you barely remember it, and at the time you weren’t even aware that it was a problem.

Imagine playing in a football team and at the end of the season the coach says ‘You really should have passed the ball more in that second game of the season’.
Probably much more useful if they’d said something at the time.

So how about speaking out at the time of the unsatisfactory behaviour? It means a two-way, ongoing discussion on goals, behaviour and issues as and when needed. It helps if you set aside time for regular one to one meetings to evaluate progress and discuss issues.

Raising issues as you go along may be difficult but the alternative is much worse. Storing things up for an annual meeting just increases the pressure on both sides. It’s a bit like a pressure cooker left on the hob, the pressure builds and builds as time goes by, until there is an almighty explosion and your dinner is on the ceiling.

2. Put Your Attention on Your Intention

It’s natural for people who feel under attack to defend themselves – and negative feedback can feel like an attack . In fact some people find it more painful than physical violence! And that might make it hard to hear and understand the feedback.

So how can we make it less painful and more doable? Using the right tone and body language and choosing the right time and place are vital. The message is hard enough without compounding it with a loud, public dressing down.

So choose your moment and think about how you want the person to feel as a result of the feedback – do you want them crushed or motivated?

Your intention will influence how you speak and your body language.

3. Focus on the Behaviour and it’s Effect

When it comes the the words you use, the key is to clearly define the specific behaviour and its impact on the project, other people or the individual’s future prospects. For example,

“You were late for work this morning, which meant the rest of the team had to field your calls”

This avoids an attack on the person – it’s the behaviour that’s at issue.

And behaviour can always be changed.

If you’d like to know more about speaking out, try our assertiveness ebook, My Way, available on Amazon or our filmed module on Giving Effective Feedback available on Open Sesame. Or contact us for details of our public Assertiveness or Line Management courses.

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