In part one and part two exploration of Leadership through reading peoples’ emotions – (i.e: Emotional Intelligence) I covered several key areas. here are the main points to consider:

• Emotional Intelligence is a strong factor to effective leadership and an important element of E.I. is the ability to read emotions. (for more on effective leadership see our Leadership Course).
• Quite a few mammals are able to read our emotions so we can conclude words are not the most essential source of information.
• The seat of emotions is our face. There are at least seven universal expressions: anger, contempt, disgust, fear, joy, sadness, and surprise. These and more can be learned from experience.
• Combined with facial expressions we also assimilate voice volume, pitch and body posture to create a holistic judgement about the person’s internal states.
• This information needs to be processed by the brain at many levels. To do this the brain is constantly making predictions about the world around it.
• These predictions lead to creating virtual models of other people’s minds in our own brains.
• The ability to create these virtual models, combined with predictions made from accurate information, allow people’s brains to literally synchronise.
• This synchronisation is a strong indication of true understanding and connection between two people. You are ‘clicking’.

So that’s a good look at the theory. What do we do about all this in practice?

How to synchronise?

Some expressions are universal and we can learn to distinguish them on people’s faces. Body posture, pitch and volume also tend to arise in conjunction with certain feelings. So it seems its really is a matter of exposure to particular behaviours that allows us to draw conclusions about what they mean.

What about less universal emotions like uncertainty, peacefulness, stress, or contentment? What about all the shades of feelings and intentions that are harder to understand in someone we just met?

Ultimately, to truly understand someone, in order to synchronise you’re thoughts and feelings, what is needed most is a discussion (or many) where both parties can actively listen.

The most important factor to creating an accurate model of the person before you is to update it constantly. On many occasions we only see people at the edge of our vision and assume we know what they are all about. Just like the optical illusion, we forget our blind spot exists and assume our periphery can see higher detail than it does.

How could you direct your gaze and truly see that person for who they are?

One way to update your intuitions is simply to check-in with them.

In the U.K. ‘how are you?’ has been high jacked of its meaning so you will have to find better ways to ask your questions.

Here are a few suggestions

“I get the sense that…. Am I on the right track?”

“Rightly or wrongly the impression I’m getting is that… ?”

“I just wanted to check, when you [made that expression], what was going on for you?”

“I would value your opinion on [this] and noticed you had a reaction to the topic at the meeting, would you be open to sharing your thoughts?”

“By [that sentence/word] what did you mean exactly?

Checking your intuition, as often as you can, will create an ever more accurate model of the other person and may ultimately allow you both to synch and reach a deeper level of understanding for each other.

Are you leaving yourself enough time to check-in with the people you are leading?

AND…

For a lot more actionable tools (and less theory I promise!) see our range of public courses for Leadership, Line Management, Assertiveness, or Influencing.

If you have enjoyed this three part blog or have suggestions for more topics to cover do leave a comment in the section below!